Anxiety, Social Media, and Our Kids

In homes across the country parents are asking the same question:

“Why does my child seem so anxious, and is social media part of the problem?”

At New Pathways Counseling we are seeing the rise in anxiety among children and teens firsthand.  While the causes of anxiety are complex, two powerful resources—The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt and Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley—help shed light on what’s happening and what we can do about it.  A forewarning here – as a parent there are so many resources and things to be “doing” and “not doing.” Just a reminder, a small habit change can have big repercussions!  Start small when implementing change, we are not meant to be superhero parents!

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The Social Media Shift: What’s Making Kids So Anxious?

Jonathan Haidt, social psychologist and author of The Anxious Generation, makes a convincing argument in his book: children today are growing up in a world where they are overprotected in the real world and underprotected in the virtual one.

“My central claim in this book is that these two trends—overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world—are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.” — Jonathan Haidt

He points to the moment smartphones entered children’s hands as a turning point. Kids stopped playing outside, stopped navigating real-world social challenges, and instead began living much of their emotional lives online — where comparison, curated perfection, and the fear of missing out never sleep.

Social media isn’t just entertainment — it has become a social measuring stick, especially for young people whose brains are still developing and whose sense of identity is forming. Kids are still figuring out who they are – while holding a mini computer that is yelling at them constantly of who they “should” be. What an anxious place to be!

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Anxiety Isn’t Just in Their Heads — It’s in Their Habits

While The Anxious Generation gives us a sweeping view of how childhood has been rewired by technology, Habits of the Household invites us to look at something smaller, but just as powerful: our daily rhythms.

“We become our habits. And our kids become us.” — Justin Whitmel Earley

Children for the first time are incorporating technology as a part of their daily rhythm. As parents a lot of us did not even have this option! Technology can be so helpful, but also it drives us away from community, connection, and valuable social skills. 

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So What Can Parents Do?

Here are a few practices inspired by both books that we recommend to the families we serve:

1. Set Healthy, Age Appropriate Tech Boundaries

Rather than treating devices as the enemy, involve your child in creating family tech rhythms. Set clear limits on screen time, keep phones out of bedrooms, and introduce specific apps when children reach a specific age. Remember young minds are still developing and not all apps are appropriate for young children! 

 2. Create Moments of Peace 

Children need consistency, especially in an anxious world. Bedtime is a sacred time to slow down, speak truth, and remind your child they are deeply loved — by you and by God. Try implementing a time in which all electronic devices must be turned off and a moment of family connection can be put into place. 

3. Talk Openly 

Many anxious kids feel pressure to hide their struggles — especially when much of their online life involves managing appearances. Let your home, and your faith, be a place where your child is seen, safe, and supported.

Haidt reminds us that children need real-life communities to regulate anxiety. They need spaces where they aren’t performing — where they can just be.

As parents we must talk to our kids about what they are viewing online. Teaching them that what we say and do online can impact us and others. Most importantly teaching children when to put the phone down when it is impacting their mental health! This will be a skill they not only use during their adolescent years, but also into adulthood.